as I sit here waiting...

I guess this could be the start...

I never quite understood the point of journaling, in fact I tried it couple of times and the problem I faced everytime was that I would never ever go back and read it again. And then I would forget about it completely... but I guess this could be another start.

For the passed 2 years, my faith has been shaken and turned upside down in many ways.

I'm done with the North American mega churches. I'm done with this consumer culture. I'm done with trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm DONE.

Here I am sitting at work wondering what I can pack for the up coming long weekend at my fiancee's cottage, how much fun it would be and thinking about how much money I should spend, there are 500 million people at the edge of starvation, 200 million children being exploited as labourers, and 1.5 billion people who do not have enough money to buy food.

I don't know about you, but not eating food for just one day makes my head spin and gets me thinking that I'm dying.

So shat does it really mean to be a follower of Jesus?

Should I feel guilty about the poverty in this world and not get to enjoy the 'blessings' in my life?
Should I not carry out the lifestyle that I have just because there are homeless people on our streets?

What do I do as a Christian? As a follower of the one who did not have a place to lay his head, who became poor for our sake, and who laid down his life to bring redemption for ALL?

We praise God on sunday mornings, we worship the One who calls us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and take care of the widows and orphans, yet when when we walk out, we avoid the ones who are hungry, naked and just down right poor.

No wonder people call us hypocrites. No wonder people don't come to church.

Maybe we as Christians have become the 'white-washed tombs' and 'brood of vipers'. Maybe we have become the pharasees and saducees of Jesus' day, only concerned about our holiness and righteousness while we ignore what's really going on in our streets and in the 2/3 of this world.

Maybe we are the ones who are rejecting Christ instead of the people who are 'ungodly' and 'not-righteous'.

A friend of mine put that thought real nicely. He says:

"Let me ask you this: what does rejecting Christ look like? I know many people on the margins that don't want to have anything to do with Jesus. But why is this? In all the cases I have encountered, these people don't care about Jesus because they have been wounded, abandoned, and violated by those who professed to be followers of Jesus. So who, in the end, are these people rejecting? I suspect that they are rejecting false representatives of Jesus, and not Jesus himself. So, when others from the Christian community come to journey intimately with these people on the margins, and are loved dearly by these people on the margins, who is being accepted? I suspect it is Jesus himself that is being accepted.
And let's remember that one day every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess the Lordship of Christ. Maybe, when all is said and done, nobody will reject Christ. And, if that's the case, then God will make all things new."

I believe that most Christians (including myself) are concerned with our own rights to get into heaven. We long for that day to enter the paradise and try our best to keep God's laws.

Yet we forget to keep the greatest command, to love God and love the ones around us.

Matthew 25:42-25 puts it real well.

"42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.' 44 "They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' 45 "He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'"

What if instead of focusing on ourselves and our righteousness, we focus on others who are in need for once. Spending time with people who are lonely and rejected, feeding the hungry, clothing the people who's got nothing to wear... maybe then, we might experience the true transformation in our faith and in our lives as well.

These things I've been struggling for the past couple of years, and it has been real difficult for me to live this out, but I'm constantly learning and trying.

I'm getting married in October (yipee!), and my future wife and I will be moving to Australia for a year. I don't know what this all means, and you may think that Australia doesn't seem in line with the countries in Africa and South Asia that are on the poverty line but I know that there are poor people everywhere. There are marginalised people in all countries.

I know that it doesn't make sense to travel half way across the world to a similar country like Canada to start this type of lifestyle. And I'm definitely aware of that Toronto has one of the highest homeless rate in North America. But what my fiancee and I are planning is more than just helping the needy... It's a NEW start for us.

I believe that being surrounded by families and friends who don't quite share the same values in regards to this matter can have an effect on us and could even hold us back from truly living the way God calls us to live.

I believe that by being in a new country, new surroundings and with only the clothes on our backs, we can start a new life, a life that is abundant and the life that produces fruit (instead of constantly striving to be 'perfect').

So I'm waiting... until october comes. Being stuck here sucks... in an office... doing meaningless work, but I believe that God is teaching me... showing me... that this is NOT what I want to do for the rest of my life, that I'm desperate to live, live according to the call, to follow the one who calls me out of my comfort middle class life to truly journey with the poor, the marginalized and the rejected.

This is our calling...